How did they die - if you don't mind me asking?

Telling people that your husband and son both died from addiction is difficult to say the least. Every time I have to answer the question, "How did they die, if you don't mind me asking?" I still choke on the words as they struggle up my throat to my mouth and then out for the world to hear. 

It's not that I'm ashamed. It's just that you didn't know Chris and Brayden. I don't want addiction to be the ugly word in which you will now forever associate them with. This is not who they were. 

Chris was a loving husband who never raised a hand to me, never called me a hurtful name. He was strong, brave, compassionate and kind. He was a fighter who was winning the fight against addiction. His addiction did not define him. Watching him succumb to it was agonizing because I knew he could fight it and beat it. He had always done so before. He hated it. He himself didn't understand why it was so hard this time. I know the answer now. Heroin. He had never experienced anything as powerful as heroin. It was like watching the Rock Biter from the Never Ending Story scratching his head, looking down at his hands and saying, "They look like big, good, strong hands... don't they."

Brayden was a good boy. Sweet, open, honest. He was funny, smart, talented and full of fire. Though, this was a hard world for him. He didn't understand why the world worked like it does. Why was there competition in everything and between everyone? Why was it so hard for someone who is different to feel like they could fit anywhere? He had a bright, exciting future ahead of him. If he'd just had the chance to see it. He was lost after his dad passed away. He didn't know how to live in a world without Chris. It was hard to see just how much he needed his dad not be able to do anything about it. I was so sorry that it wasn't me who had gone. Brayden needed his dad. Then the evil of addiction got its grasp on him as well and he too was fighting it. "This isn't who I am!" He was getting clean. He found a great support system. He found a sponsor who gave him hope. The hard but true answer, again, is heroin.