1 Grief Explained

Myth                                                                           Reality

Grief is the same as mourning.	Grief is not the same as mourning. Mourning is the outward, social expression of the loss. Each culture mourns in different ways.  Grief is the emotional feeling that results from the loss. It is the “inner” personal feelings of the survivor and cannot directly be observed by others. These feelings can include anger, frustration, loneliness, sadness, guilt, regret, and others, all of which are highly personalized.
The grief and mourning period are predictable and follow an orderly pattern and progression.	Each survivor goes through the grief and mourning period in their own way, with their own skills in accordance with their cultural norms and life experiences. While there are some commonalities in the stages of grief, the stages may differ from person to person. Like many stage theories, people experience these stages at different times and in different ways, often crossing over, or bouncing between stages.
It is best to avoid grief rather than    move towards it.	In order to resolve grief, survivors need to experience and participate in the grief process. Avoidance results in poor resolution of the grief. In attempting to deny the need for grief or to control grief, the tasks necessary to accomplish resolution are avoided and issues are not expressed or resolved. Studies have also shown increased physical and psychological problems in survivors who have not received appropriate bereavement support.
Tears only portray weakness.	Our society often believes that it is inappropriate to cry and a sign of poor control over one’s emotions. For many but not all survivors, tears are an expression of grief and part of the process. Tears are an appropriate expression of grief, facilitating a healthy release of emotions.

These myths perpetuate the denial of grief and the community’s discomfort with the grief process. With intervention in the bereavement period, grief issues can be resolved and survivors can accomplish progression through the stages and complete the tasks of grief as they grow and move on with their lives without their loved ones.

¹Certification Program of the Hospice Institute of the Florida Suncoast. Karen Lo et al, 1996