I hear the second year after a loss is worse than the first year. Did you find that to be the case?

I was asked this question a while back and this was my response:

After Chris passed, for me, the first year was the most agonizing pain. I had a lot of anger mixed with that, too - that this was my life now. The second year was hard in a different way because although I was starting to accept that I was going to live the rest of my life without him, I didn't know how and didn't want to. I gave up for a while. For those first two years, I wasn't living life, just surviving it. 

When Brayden passed, the first year was the hardest. My body already knew what to do so the shock was less but I felt much more guilt, and the pain of not having my child here was a different kind of agony. I felt so tired. I felt like life was going by and I was moving through it in slow motion. But I felt Brayden's love for me and felt like he was moving me along.

The second year after Brayden passed is going better for me because I want to do better for him. I wan't to make him proud. I am working hard at trying to better myself for him. That way I respect that he wants me to be happy. That way I honor him.